At first glance this appears very simple, nearly everyone you meet is 'undead'. That's why they're called 'alive'. But in fact we're talkin' aobut people who ought to be dead but ain't. They're mainly:
Vampires: the most troublesome kind of undead. This whole area has got a bit more difficult these days, what with vampires coming out of the casket and being more in-your-throat about what they do. Obviously, there's no book of etiquette at mealtimes. Here, however, are some sensible tips:
1. Don't go anywhere near a vampire's castle, no matter how bad the weather. 2. Having gone near the castle, don't knock at the huge forbidding door. 3. Having knocked at the huge forbidding door, don't accept the invitation from the strange man in black clothes to go inside. 4. Having gone inside, don't go int the guest bedroom. 5. Having gone into the guest bedroom, don't - whatever you de - sleep with the window open. 6. Having slept with the window open, don't come runnin' to me to complain.
Werewolves: and people say to me, werewolves aren't undead. Well, if you kill them without using fire of silver, you'll find them turning up again tomorrow. I can't think of a better word than 'undead'. Except possibly 'nuisance'. Your pure-bred werewolf is gen'rally all right. When they're human, they act human, when they're a wolf, they act like a wolf. Except for their tendency to growl when they're annoyed and piss up against trees, you'd never know they was werewolves if you met 'em socially. Well ... sometimes they have a tendency to ... you know ... sniff, but none of us is perfect. If you are invited to dine, expect a lot of meat. And sometimes biscuits. Most of them love chocolate, so that is always a little gift worth taking along. Expect to go for a long walk in the afternoon.
Zombies: they're dead, but they won't lie down. No matter what people say, no one becomes a zombie unless they've got some very strong reason for staying alive, like some important task they have to finish. The proper etiquette is: since they're humans, treat them as human. It is not good manners to make cutting remarks like 'Isn't there something you should be doing? Like lying down?' and certainly not 'Decompose yourself.' They do appreciate little gifts of scent, aftershave and other strong-smelling items, and, believe me, you want to give them these things.
